Spending the Holidays Alone

Walking alone in Águilas, Spain on Christmas Day — Photo by J. Sharland Day

Spending Christmas by yourself can be a very lonely, sad time, or it can be an adventure. I should know because I spent many Christmas holidays alone after my divorce many years ago. The first Christmas was spent crying a lot while I opened presents from my grown-up kids, who had gone to another state with their dad to work. I had Mannheim Steamrollers going full blast on my stereo to rattle my brain and my emotions as it filled my mind with their wonderful sound, which helped drown the sorrow and loneliness brought on by the quiet.

It worked. I was able to remind myself that it was my choice to move on instead of living with a man I no longer loved or wanted to be around. I had waited until the kids graduated from high school so that they would eventually get jobs and go out on their own, and since they had done that, I couldn’t feel sorry for myself for making the decision to be on my own at this stage. I needed to buck it up and enjoy the freedom I suddenly had. But it was Christmas. No one should be alone at Christmas time, I couldn’t help thinking.

When the kids called to thank me for my gifts to them and to see how I was coping, I had to act happy and put on a good, positive front for them. I was happy they couldn’t see the tears streaming down my face from missing them so much, especially on that day.

The next Christmas was somewhat the same, but I knew what was going to happen, what I’d likely feel, and I was prepared for the negatives on that morning opening the few presents I had at my feet.

Each of the next ten Christmases were pretty much the same, except there were no more tears. I’d made the holiday a day for cooking something special, creating some fun thing, or going for a drive in the country. I felt that I had adjusted just fine to being alone. I didn’t know at what point my acceptance had turned into a feeling of contentment with my solitude, but it was there and it felt good. I was comfortable with my alone time and happy with myself. I had a good job, lots of friends, and I knew my kids were happy with their lives.

I eventually moved to Denver, Colorado, where my oldest daughter lived. I found a great guy to date, fell in love, and eventually married him, so there were no more lonely holidays.

My husband and I had some fun celebrations with family in Colorado and then with new friends when we decided to winter in Mexico. What fun those times were! The friends we made in the community of PaaMul, Quintana Roo, on the Caribbean coast of the Yucatan were some of our most fun experiences. We had more friends there than we had all the while we were in Denver. Mainly because our Colorado friends were scattered, not sequestered and altogether, like in PaaMul. A lot more parties and celebrations were planned in PaaMul than in Denver, and there was a lot more camaraderie because, basically, we were all in the same boat, so-to-speak, being there alone without family, so we all became one big family. We had sports teams and many gatherings for happy hours that we didn’t have as much of while in Denver. And we were never lonely during holidays.

Sunset at Christmas in Águilas, Spain — Photo by J. Sharland Day

After twenty years of living in that small community, after many of our friends moved away, or we found ourselves saddened by some of them passing away, things began to change. New, younger people moved in but weren’t as compatible as the older group of friends. Not having as much in common with the new people, not having as many old friends around, it started to feel lonely, so, we decided it was time to move on.

We chose Spain as our new winter destination and spent ten weeks roaming around in a rental car to see what area ‘spoke to us.’ We wanted to be able to feel comfortable in a place where we could start over and we found a little city — or a big town, some liked to tell us — that was not overrun by tourists. It was by the Mediterranean Sea and had everything necessary to enjoy living there during the winter months: markets, restaurants, bars, pharmacies, a shopping mall, McDonalds.

Finding an apartment to buy was not hard. In fact, the perfect one practically landed in our laps. I had subscribed to a site called ‘Think Spain’ where there were lots of places for sale all over the country, and one of the realtors for one of the sites in Águilas that we were interested in saw my name and texted me with a video of the apartment. It was a large place with a nice view, but the inside was too hodgepodge and would need a lot of reconstruction to make it comfortable. Also, the bathrooms were not close to the master bedroom, and there were no windows that looked out into the world, except for the front slider that went to the balcony with the view of the sea and the noisy street below. Although the kitchen was large, it was closed off from the living area. We preferred a more ‘open concept’ for that space.

When I sent a thank you to the realtor and told her we weren’t interested, explaining what the problems were, she sent another video of a different apartment. It was being renovated, which meant everything would be brand new. It was also above a walking path rather than a busy street, and because it was near a beach on the Mediterranean Sea the view from our balcony was stunning. We made an offer, it was accepted, and we made arrangements to come back over Easter to take possession after the renovations were completed.

All seemed wonderful. But it’s the Christmas/New Year holiday, so, of course, things should be wonderful. Unfortunately, part of the wonderfulness of the holidays is spending them with family and friends, and we know no one here except for our realtors and attorneys. They are business associates who have been a huge help to us, but not friends to invite for dinner at Christmas. Even if we knew some people to invite for dinner, in our current VROB we only have a pint-sized kitchen with the bare necessities. We could only offer pizza or a microwaved frozen dinner to our guests, not a full-on Christmas dinner like we’d prefer to offer, like ham or turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, and cooked fresh veggies. Preparing any of that would be impossible here in our rented space.

Our lone Christmas ornament this year — Photo by J. Sharland Day

And so, alone, after we each opened our one gift from each other that waited under a potted plant with a single ornament, we ate spaghetti with bottled meat sauce. But we felt pretty special and appreciative of our new potential lifestyle in Águilas, Spain because, after all, we’ll have a beautiful view of the Mediterranean Sea and will be able to fly quickly to any European country we care to visit. And we hope to have lots of old friends and family wanting to come and see us.

Living in Spain certainly won’t be lonely, and what an adventure!