The Blind Date
Photo by René Ranisch
Met at Bandolino’s for pizza and some drinks
So far I am thinkin’ that this blind date
really stinks
Perhaps I should give it a chance
I say to myself when my date
Orders booze from top of the shelf
Is he trying to impress me
with his good tastes or his wealth?
I’m thinking as he makes a toast
To both our own good health
I will just have to wait and see
Just what he has in mind
Be on my best behavior and be a little kind
Yet I know I shouldn’t drink too much
for fear I’ll have to pay
With something more than dollars as
he may want his way
With my virtuous moral standings
and my gospel minded soul
To take me directly to a place
like down the toilet bowl
The liquid goes down smoothly
I cannot help but think
I need to eat some pizza to keep
From barfing in the sink
From having that top-shelf alcohol
going directly to my brain
I have to keep remembering
From more, I must refrain
Before I know what’s happening
I feel a little blitzed
But I am not the only one
my date is also fritzed
He has me laughin’ and telling him
my whole life’s history
He seems so very interested
through blurry eyes I see
Photo by Vincenzo Landino
He’s plying me with compliments
of that I do not mind
Whatever he has in store for me
I’m sure he will be kind
But soon he gets down on his knees
and asks, “Will you be mine?”
I want you for my very own
until the end of time
My mind is way too pickled to
Try to grasp the consequence
Of this mighty fine proposal
that absolutely makes no sense
I’m marinated, stewed, and brewed
From far too much beverage
And not enough of the pizza pie
to think with a clear head
And so I lean down to his face
and plant a great big kiss
It is an opportunity
I simply cannot miss
But a little voice keeps telling me
that it is time to leave
When my stomach starts to rumble
and gives a little heave
Photo by Alex Voulgaris
I tell him that I need to go
and “Thank you very much”
And if in the light of day
He wants to keep in touch
He can call me on the telephone
but now I must be gone
I step out to hail a cab
for it to take me home
I realize how very close I came
To being in a stew
With someone I didn’t know
if I would have said “I do”
The moral of this story
is so very clear
When you are on a blind date
go for just a beer