What Is a Father? (Reasons to Continue to Celebrate Father’s Day)

Photo by Suhash Villuri

Yesterday — at the time of this writing — was Father’s Day. We celebrated the two fathers in our little family who are close by, texting others who are farther away. Yet, the fathers with whom we celebrated, surprisingly, do not consider themselves fathers. Their reasons prompted me to investigate: what is a father?

I checked the dictionary to get its definition, in case it was different from my own, and found that it was as I have always thought a father to be: ‘A man in relation to his child or children; a man who gives care and protection to someone or something;’ as well as other definitions that pertain to religion, country, and birth. But I was interested in the two immediate answers, which pertained to the two men for whom we were celebrating.

One ‘father’ — my new husband — didn’t raise his child from birth since a divorce was in progress and another man was on the scene, and the preclusions of laying claim to the child was suggested by the mother and accepted. There’ve been regrets, but that’s life and the decisions were made long before, he knows. Yet with his new family — with my children — he has been supportive, helpful, caring, loving, and giving, which deserves much acknowledgment and praise, in not only my opinion, but in my children’s opinions.

The other father had raised the child of a woman he was married to for nearly twenty years and treated the boy like his own, even after the divorce from his mother.

Both played the roles of fatherhood better than many blood fathers I have known. But why neither man feels they don’t deserve to be celebrated as a father is a sad mystery to me.

Back to ‘What is a father’?

Several fathers I’ve known have given their children guidance but not too much loving attention, thinking that putting meals on the table and a roof over their heads was enough. They were always too busy making money and thinking that giving the kids attention was the mother’s job, yet they are still celebrated as ‘fathers.’

Other fathers have never known they were instrumental in bringing a life into this world. Do they count as true fathers?

And what about the fathers who raised a child, thinking it was his own, but, in truth, had not given a single gene to cause legal support of fatherhood? Yet, he was always there for the child with love and support.

Photo by Daiga Ellaby

Fortunately, many fathers I have known have been the ‘made-for-TV’ kind of dads. The ones who take the kids out to shoot baskets, show them how to throw a football, show them how to hit a baseball, a golf ball, or how to play a musical instrument. They would help the kids with homework, give advice when needed, and would make sure their paths were going toward a good and true goal instead of a bad one. Those fathers have much to be proud of with the success of their grown children who give credit to the parent’s guidance and support.

Other children have become successful without much guidance or direction from a father, to be sure, and is often because of the mother, but that’s another holiday to delve into. But whatever reasons a child might have to disparage or celebrate a father on Father’s Day, those reasons were earned. That comes, basically, from the time spent with a father, how it was spent, and the feelings left from those times and experiences.

Fatherhood is a huge responsibility, to be sure. But it’s a responsibility that can be rewarded in many good ways. It’s not an easy job. It’s heart-wrenching and taxing, yet it’s also filled with love and pride.

My hat goes off to all the fathers who have taken the job to heart and have worked hard at fulfilling the responsibilities of raising a family with care, good directions, and lots of love. Whether your genes are part of the child, or children, or not, it’s the love and time you have donated throughout the upbringing that counts. Take pride in that achievement, celebrate it, and pat yourselves on the back for a job well done! I will do the same. Thank you!