Discovering Sex after Menopause

Photo by henri meilhac

My husband, Harold, and I hosted my oldest sister’s birthday party. It was one of those milestone birthdays that most women don’t want to own, but are happy to celebrate. 

Later in the evening, Janice and I were sitting on the sofa in the living room away from the noisy crowd outside, when Janice, out of the blue, announced to me, “Sex is so amazing at this age, Stell! Probably better than ever before!” punctuating her statement with a giggle at the bug-eyed look on my face, when I nearly sprayed the coffee table with the sip of wine I had just put into my mouth. Thank God, it was white.

“How much have you had to drink?” I asked. “Why are you telling me this? That’s kind-of-a private thing, don’t you think?”

“Okay, so I’ve had a few more margaritas than usual, because it is my birthday, after all. But I wanted to tell you what you have to look forward to!” 

She took a gulp. I cringed.

“Just before coming here, Carter gave me the most glorious birthday fuck ever! And because it was so amazing, I still feel the high,” Janice slurred. 

I sat too stunned to protest, as she continued, “And since you said you’d been having difficulties with Harold for a while, I just wanted you to know that things can get better. Much better!”

“Dear God, Jan, you must be wasted to be telling me this! I’m only having ‘difficulties’ because I’ve been going through that God-awful change of life!” I explained emphatically. 

I added a bit softer, “The problem is me. I have no libido whatsoever right now and haven’t had for a few years, which was why I even mentioned it to you. I wanted to know what you did about that when you went through that period of time we women are cursed with.”

“Yeah! Those are not fun years, for sure, but they do go away, I assure you!” Janice said in a reminiscing tone as she thought back. She then leaned closer and whispered, while I rolled my eyes at my sister’s sudden clandestine behavior, “I told Carter back then that since I was going through that awful dry spell, that he should think about taking matters into his own hands. You know, by m...” 

I stopped her. “Yes, I’m with you. No need to spell it out, Jan.”

“Okay, good to know!” And without a beat, said, “Of course, I would occasionally help him out in that department by giving him...”

I stopped her once again, “Got that one, too. Just get to the point.”

“Aw’right! Sorry!” 

Knowing this haughty older sister, if she’d have been sober during this little talk, and seeing my reluctance to participate, she’d have gotten up and said, “You can be such a prude! You’re not ready for this conversation!” And would have left the room. But, inebriated, she was rather amusing, and continued on, as if I hadn’t ‘so rudely interrupted her.’ 

She said, “This went on for the many years that ‘THE Pause’ lasted. I’m not exactly sure how long it did last, since we’d gotten into such a rut, but it seemed an eternity, maybe ten years or so. But then one day I began to realize our marriage had gotten really boring, and I began finding fault with every little thing Carter would do, or not do, more-to-the-point. In my unhappiness, I actually thought of seeking therapy.”

“Really?” I queried, “I didn’t realize you were going through those emotions.”

Photo by Esther Ann

“Of course you didn’t. I didn’t want to talk about it much, and you were too young to have understood, anyway. You were happy in your marriage. And I think we were hiding our boredom fairly well.”

“Well, I do remember you being a bit snippy a few times with Carter when we’d be together. But go ahead,” I encouraged.

“Well, Carter didn’t seem to be having an issue, since he could satisfy himself whenever he needed to. It was me who began feeling the emptiness of that closeness in our marriage.”

“So how and when did things change?” I asked with greater interest.

“Well--now bear with me here, sister--one afternoon I awoke from my siesta earlier than usual and walked into the sitting room to find Carter in his reclined recliner watching porn on the computer that was sitting on top of his stomach and jacking himself off.”

I gasped. “Oh my God! What did you do? What did Carter do?”

“I surprised myself at my reaction. Carter was so embarrassed, and afraid that I’d be really mad, he jumped up, put the computer on the floor, and started pulling his pants up, all the while he kept apologizing profusely. I, after gasping in delight, ran to him and gave him a big hug and kiss and told him how happy I was to see that that part of him was not dead, like that part of me had been for so long. Apparently, I was beginning to come back to life in that area, and was thrilled that we might be able to get back to a more normal sex life.”

She stopped and began breathing a bit heavier. “Whoa! I was so excited at this new prospect that I wanted to jump his bones right then and there. I didn’t, of course, but we had a really long talk and came to a much-needed understanding on both our parts and as of today, our sex life has been extraordinary.”

“Wow, Jan! That is quite the story! So Carter had been watching porn all those years?”

“Apparently, and I had no idea. Not a clue. I was so naïve about what I thought he was doing to keep himself satisfied. I knew that he wasn’t going out to find it on the streets, or elsewhere behind my back. I knew that much, but I didn’t think about porn. I guess I thought that he was just whacking off when he went into the bathroom and didn’t come out for a while, and that was it. Isn’t that crazy?”

“Well, Sister, I don’t ever remember thinking that you were the sharpest tack in the toolbox when it came to men or sex. No offense, but you always seemed a bit more ‘lofty’ and above all that base stuff.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah, really. Because of our age difference, I guess, since Mom had me accidentally, I think, before she went into menopause herself, I always looked to you as being more mom-like. And moms just don’t talk about sex or act sexy. Know what I mean?”

“I guess. And I can see your point about me being more of a prude, even though you didn’t use that word.” Janice laughed, and continued, “I had a role to play, back then, I guess. One that entailed me being more responsible and setting a good example, rather than having the luxury of being more frivolous. But I had my needs, and when I met Carter, thinking he was one of the sexiest men I had ever seen, my libido took off, and our sex life was extraordinary! At least until I started to go through that awful dry spell.”

”I want to know more, but I need more wine in order to hear it,” I told her as I jumped up and went to the bar. I opened one of the full bottles of wine that was hidden amongst the empties and poured myself a glass. I started to walk away then turned back around, grabbed the bottle from which I had just poured, and walked back to the sofa. 

“Okay! Now, what makes sex better than it had been before?” I asked her. 

“When I turned seventy, which was ten years ago, mind you, by the time I caught Carter, that I’d just told you about, our bodies weren’t working as well as they had been before the abstinence. Carter hadn’t been maintaining the muscles needed to fuck missionary style, and my knees wouldn’t work as well either to be the one on top.”

I took a few more gulps from the wine glass.

“Therefore, Carter decided that it might be a good thing to bend me over the sofa arm--you know, the overstuffed sofa in our sitting room?”

I nod. More gulps.

“It’s the perfect height to bend over while Carter rams me from behind!”

“Oh my God!” I whispered, drained the glass, and poured some more.

“And he, even at his age,” Janice continued, “is so hung and gets so engorged, albeit with a little help from his Viagra prescription, of course, that I feel an almost instant explosion.” She laughed again. “It’s a damned good thing we lived in a big house and not very close to neighbors during those years. And now, at our age, in the Condo, people just say, ‘Oh, that’s just Janice and Carter at it again!’ when I start to scream from the euphoria.” 

Janice laughed and laughed, as I stared at this person I realized I didn’t really know very well. I drank some more and was glad when Janice began again.

“Since we’re not young whippersnappers like you, anymore, there are peaks and valleys during our love-making, and when I start to feel one of the ‘valleys’” she daid said with a giggle, “when Carter starts to get a bit limp, I just stand up, move onto the sofa cushion, grab his cock, and shove it into my mouth and suck. That works every time.”

Janice started fanning herself. “Woo! I’m getting horny just talking about it.” 

I couldn’t speak. I was feeling all kinds of emotions from shock and embarrassment to hopefulness and becoming a little squirmy myself.

“You make it sound so easy. Does Carter still watch porn?”

“Yes, but with me, which is another way to keep the momentum going. That has been a great tool, but there is a downside. I realized that the porn had become very addictive, and I would catch Carter watching when he thought I wasn’t around, or wouldn’t notice. And that became an issue for me. I figured that if he preferred to watch some sweet young thing, fanaticizing being the one doing the fucking, then we had a problem. I needed to be the important one and only one, even in a fantasy. I see needing to watch porn without me as being unfaithful. Know what I mean?”

I nodded.

“So I told Carter about my feelings and how it hurt me, so he promised not to do it in secret anymore.”

“Has he complied?” I wondered.

“There have been a few times over the years that I have had to remind him of his promise, but I think all is good now. He has realized the importance of trust in a relationship, and he knows that I need to trust him, so he just gets on porn to find the best video to watch when we are planning to have sex later, without, you know, getting off at that time.”

“Isn’t that a hard thing for a guy to do, watching something that gets him turned-on and then have to stop?”

“Carter said it was not too difficult when knowing he can get an even greater release later, especially when there has been such a build-up,” Janice told me.

As if on cue, Carter walked in at that moment and said, “There you are, my pet! Would you be ready to leave soon?” He then leaned over to give Janice a kiss and whispered something in her ear.

Janice stood and said, “Oh good! Gotta go!”

I thought I’d heard the word ‘pill’, in that whispered message, and when Janice said her goodbyes and thanks in record time, and they hurriedly left the party, my imagination took over. I went looking for Harold.

Photo by Renate Vanaga